Last week, I had a strange chain of events that took me a while to work out. We have lived in the same house for 28 years which pretty much means that, apart from the hoarding and clutter, I know exactly where everything is … well, one would think so.
As I walked along the veranda, I rammed my head into a post. Yes, that’s right: a post that has been in the same spot for 28 years. So, I was pretty surprised when I nearly knocked myself out and put a slight gash in my generous forehead that, because of blood thinners, bled like I had been attacked by Freddy Kruger.
Because I have a head like a coconut, the knock made a hell of a bang – as did I, when I let a few expletives go and Old Mate came out and asked, “What did you do that for?” through muffled giggling. I replied that I just wanted to give myself blinding pain and discomfort. That got more laughter.
So, off I went into the world with a Band-Aid on my scone to complement my missing front teeth that I am waiting for the tooth fairy to bring. I was looking like a really good sort. The teeth thing is a whole other story. While I am waiting for them, I have a retainer. But that day, I forgot it.
I did feel a little vague and by the afternoon, I had to go visit my mate Sami. I parked where I always park, pushed the button for the lift and got in when the doors opened. But the nice lady said: “This is going to the basement. That’s your lift next door.” I thanked her and added: “I shouldn’t be allowed out, should I?”
So, I get to Sami and was trying to sit in her high office chair. I couldn’t get it to go down to ‘short, old man position’, so I was stuck up in the air like an angry midget, swearing that it was broken. It turns out that I was pulling the wrong lever – much to the delight of the people in the room. Again, I said, “I shouldn’t be allowed out.”
It then occurred to me that maybe I had mild concussion – something I was actually happy about, as I can’t afford to get any dumber. It reminded me about when I went to a neurologist. He said that when he first saw me, he thought he had hit the jackpot.But the inside turned out not as bad as the outside. Maybe it’s time for another visit …
Or I could run with that famous quote: “There is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind”. Amen.
