This is a story about the leading cause of death in Australia – dementia. But it’s also a story of unwavering love, compassion and hope.
Vince O’Rourke will never forget the day his first wife Margaret was diagnosed with Young Onset Alzheimer’s disease. She was aged 59.
Margaret and Vince had visited her neurologist to get the results of her scan.
Vince says the specialist looked at him and said, “Your wife has Young Onset Dementia. It’s rampant within her, it’s incurable and she will die from it. There is nothing I can do to help you and I think you should look at putting her in care as soon as possible.”
Vince recalls: “We were on the 11th floor and went down the lift to a café, ordered a coffee and both cried. It dawned on us that our lives would be changed forever. It was just devastating. Within 12 months, she didn’t know who I was.”
Their retirement plans were shattered. Vince – a management consultant with six degrees – went from being the primary breadwinner to the primary carer. He looked after Margaret at home from 1999 to mid-2005 and when she started having falls, he moved her reluctantly to a nursing home for her last 14 months, continuing to visit her daily.
When Margaret received her diagnosis, there was not much help available for dementia sufferers and neither the neurologist nor their doctor gave them any information about where to get support.
It was a difficult time, with Vince bathing, dressing and feeding Margaret, dealing with her incontinence and battling extreme tiredness.
“When I had a heart attack in 1996, Margaret was there for me. Now it was my turn to care for her,” he remembers.
After Margaret’s death in 2006, Vince was overcome with grief and had no thoughts of ever marrying again. But a book – one that he wrote – changed his life. It also changed the life of divorced mother-of-three Lorrae Martin.
While caring for Margaret, Vince wrote a daily diary about his experiences. To help deal with his grief after her death, he wrote a summary which became his book, I Wish I Were a Leper, first published in 2008.
The book’s title was inspired by a comment Margaret had made: “I wish I were a leper because if I was, Jesus could cure me.”
The book attracted a great deal of attention and Vince was invited to do several radio interviews, including one with the ABC’s Richard Fidler for the popular show Conversation Hour. The book also led Vince to Lorrae, a dementia support officer working with Alzheimer’s Queensland. Since then, their journey together has turned out to be a beautiful love story.
“I invited Vince to speak at a conference I was organising in 2009,” Lorrae says.
“Although I hadn’t heard him speakor read his book, I was told by staff in Toowoomba that he would be a good speaker from both a carer’s and male perspective.”
Vince adds: “She offered to drive me from Brisbane to Toowoomba. I said no because I had been married for 41 years and I didn’t think I could cope with driving alone with a woman and talking for that length of time.
“Perhaps I can blame my old-fashioned, Catholic upbringing.”
Later, Lorrae invited Vince to speak at a day conference at Noosa.
“He seemed to have a connection with carers, which encouraged them to open up,” Lorrae says.
“I was able to see him operating in a pastoral care situation and, likewise, he could see how I interacted with carers.”
Other conferences and speaking engagements at various support groups followed until one fateful day in 2009.
“I had been asked to speak to psychology students at the University of Queensland and they said it would be good if I could bring a carer,” Lorrae says.
“I offered him a lift and he accepted this time. Afterwards, we forgot where we had parked the car. It was just a series of things – our reactions to losing the car and, of course, his presentation. We also got stuck in traffic on Coronation Drive on the way home and talked about more personal things.”
Lorrae says they were soon talking to each other every day.
“I was attracted to his pastoral care and that he was also prepared to listen,” she says. “He was very accepting of my children and my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, and had a great understanding of my area of work. We were just a union. And the other thing I love about him are his blue eyes.”
Adds Vince: “Early on, I saw the Holy Spirit acting through her.”
Lorrae and Vince were married at the All Hallows School Chapel in Brisbane on January 1, 2010.
“The date is significant as it was the first Friday of the month, dedicated to The Sacred Heart,” Lorrae says.
“There was a huge mural of The Sacred Heart at the back of the chapel. Vince had also proposed to me on 17th October, which I found out later was also the first Friday of the month.”
On July 1, 2010, Vince and Lorrae’s voluntary work began when they bought a home together in Nambour, opening it up for carer respite. Over the next 10 years, they hosted more than 450 respite stays. In 2011, they started to facilitate the Dementia Network Sunshine Coast.
Vince and Lorrae stress that it’s important to provide hope.
“Hope is the key point coming out of the research around the world,” Lorrae says. “Make sure you have a healthy heart and reduce your risk of brain injuries. A MIND diet is good to follow, plus regular exercise, which can just be about moving, not necessarily going to the gym. Keep socially active so that your brain keeps working. And avoid stress so that you sleep better because good sleep is vital for brain health.”
Dementia Network Sunshine Coast assistance and support
Dementia Network Sunshine Coast operates without government support, but various organisations and individuals have assisted over the years.
“TAFE Mooloolaba and Caloundra RSL waive venue hire costs for our conferences, and recently the Maroochy River Women’s Invitation Golf Day raised $4000,” Lorrae O’Rourke says.
Apart from organising conferences and doing speaking engagements, Lorrae and husband Vince offer comprehensive support for those with dementia and their carers. This includes:
- social Catch-Up Cuppas at Maroochydore, Nambour, Maleny, Coolum and Caloundra
- aqua aerobics and chair exercise
- dementia choir/singalong
- the Family Carer Support Group
- dementia information
- referrals: respite, legal advocacy, financial advice and counselling.
To find out more, email carersoutlook@gmail.com or visit scdementia.com.au
Did You Know?
In 2023, dementia was the leading cause of death in Australia, accounting for almost 17,400 deaths (or 9.5 per cent of all deaths).
More than 7000 people on the Sunshine Coast have been diagnosed with dementia. There are many forms of dementia. The most common is Alzheimer’s disease. This is a degenerative brain disease caused by nerve-cell death, resulting in shrinkage of the brain.
A range of factors is known to contribute to the risk of developing dementia. Some risk factors such as age, gender, genetics and family history can’t be changed. However, healthy behaviours that can decrease the risk of developing dementia include good nutrition, physical activity, sound sleep, social engagement and cognitive activity.
Vince O’Rourke’s book I Wish I Were A Leper was republished in 2025 and is available on Amazon and in local libraries.
Source: Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.
