What’s in a name, they ask? Well, a whole lot of stupidity is reflected in the annual Bogan Baby Name list. There are so many shocking ones that are real names, I do not even know where to begin. So, let’s start at the bottom of the barrel:
Miraccle: Yes, that is the way parents are spelling this so-called new-age name. Double C and zero taste. It will be a miracle if this poor soul grows up without a zillion issues thanks to the schoolyard bullying over her name.
Salmon: Queue the obligatory fish puns. Starting now! I am so angry I could krill someone! If the parents thought they were being funny, they should have called their daughter Nemo: that’s a clown fish. Please can we leave this name to salmon else! It is on the nose and is more than plain fishy. If Mum and Dad think this name is ‘sofishticated’ they need to scale back on the trippy hippy monikers. If you can think of a better fish pun, drop me a line.
Resilia: Apparently this one is based on the fact that kids had to be resilient in the pandemic. Well, I had to drink a lot of chardonnay during the pandemic, but I am not calling my kid Chardy am I? Resilia makes me want to give up.
Juul: This name beggers belief. It is not a kooky spin on the name of Jewel, that sad sack but glorious singer from the noughties. Remember her most famous song, Hands? This name is in fact the brand of a vape, which is a horrid electric cigarette that is harming millions of people. This name Juul is not one in anyone’s crown. Full stop.
Brave: Well, you would have to be to name your kid this adjective. I mean sure it is easy to say and easy to remember but that is not always a good thing in life. Any child named Brave is going to need to know how to fight.
Roar: I actually don’t hate this name and I think it must be the best on the bogan baby name list. It does admittedly remind me of Katy Perry’s song and now you will not be able to get the tune out of your head either. You’re going hear me roarrrrr.
Ledgen: Yep, the D is indeed in the wrong place in this diabolical deed. There is nothing more to write. D equals a fail.
So, there you have the bottom of the barrel when it comes to bogan baby names. My friend is having twins and he is threatening to call them Benson and Hedges. I hope he is joking.