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Chrissy Day survival tips

Opinion

Chrissy Day survival tips

With Todd Widdicombe of 92.7’s Mix FM’s Todd & Sami show.

’Tis the season to be wary … of all things relative. It’s that one magical time of the year when we invite the hipster cousin, the overbearing gluten-free aunty, the smarmy brother-in-law (you know, the one who brings cheap beer and then proceeds to drink all your top-shelf gear) and the racist uncle who thinks Trump gets a bad wrap to sit together and see what transpires. Someone mentions mandates and vaccinations and it’s World War III. So, here are some tips to surviving Chrissy with your blessed rellos.

Lubrication: Get yourself an all-rounder style of wine – one that pairs well with lamb, pork, prawns and difficult aunties. And 100 per cent avoid rum in your rumballs. It’s angry juice and will only lead to a WrestleMania VII-inspired all-in-brawl on the lawn.

Distraction: Family games like bocce, ping pong and bomb-diving contests for those with a pool can be great to diffuse any tension that builds up during lunch. However, be warned that any game can easily lead to a round of “pin the blame on the family member”, with that one cousin who always gets super competitive and makes a kid cry. Also, spin the bottle is not recommended in this family environment.

Conversation cards: Not a bad idea for those wanting to steer clear of controversial convos at the table. Topics like “Is fruitcake the work of the devil?” (it is), “Do ya’ll think Jennifer Lopez is a vampire? She never ages”, and “How’s them Broncos?” are all fine conversation starters. Highly recommend you avoid topics like “Putin’s just misunderstood, don’t ya think?”, “So, who’s had a fourth jab?” and “Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?”. They are all highly flammable subjects. Having said that, I can report Die Hard is NOT a Christmas movie … it’s THE Christmas movie.

Escape plan: Always have an exit strategy so you can eat, drink and run to the safety of your home, barricading yourself on the couch to play Warhammer on the new Xbox in your undies. Or volunteer for the trip to emergency with the nephew who’s fractured his wrist during the bomb-dive contest, or has come a gutser on the hastily built Christmas Eve trampoline. That’ll kill five hours. Pro tip: have enough change for the vending machine.

Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Try to approach the day with grace and style, tolerance, understanding and kindness.

If that fails, rip into the bottle of Grey Goose stashed in the freezer and have yourself a most excellent Christmas.

 

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