Want me to share with you the sexiest five-letter word I know? Sleep. I have a major lack of it.
We finally have a new bed (our old mattress literally collapsed in the middle of the night) and it is the most exciting thing that has happened in my world since the wedding of Harry and Meghan (before that royal relationship all turned to pot). Yes, my new bed is so high off the ground and so soft that I dream of it all day long.
Apparently, we Queenslanders average seven hours of sleep a night. Seven hours!
Yeah, right. Not in my household.
I still have little people who like to wander in and snuggle up. I am of the belief that one day those little hands will not want to clutch my big ones.
So, I simply move over and let them climb into my side of the bed. Their father takes them back to their boring beds immediately, but they all find me like heat-seeking missiles in the middle of the night.
My nearly teenage daughter just likes to hang out in bed because I have the best sheets and softest blankets in the house. She is not silly.
There’s also three dogs that all think the comfiest part of the house is, of course, my bed. I have bought them many canine beds but they turn their cute black, wet noses up at these and much prefer French linen throws.
But my youngest poodle is taking things too far by trying to sleep on my actual pillow every night. Even dog-loving me can’t take this. So, we do this little dance where I push him away from the pillow and he lies still for 20 minutes at the base of my bed before wriggling up to my head again. It happens about five times a night.
The dogs also know to only come to my side of the bed or they find themselves placed rudely on cold ground. With every inch of my night-time real estate
occupied, it’s no wonder the old bed finally gave up somewhere during the wee hours of the morning.
Amid this crazy musical bed game is my long-suffering husband. We have the odd, bleary-eyed barney but also live by the premise that you don’t really mean what you say between 1-5am, so it doesn’t count.
It is a good rule and means any fight will be remembered as ‘just a bad dream’. I also tell my husband that one day we will miss all of these extra heartbeats in our bed.
I am quite sure he does not believe me.