To all our Dads and parent role models, I’m going to get in early and wish you a happy Father’s Day. To my Dad, who is no doubt cruising on his sailboard in heaven, I wish you were here to celebrate.
And to my amazing husband, I want to say thanks for being the best dad in the world to our lucky kids.
So here you go – a little Father’s Day tribute for you all. Here are some of the absolute best corkers from some people I know. Enjoy their favourite ‘dad’s jokes’.
Professional comedian Dave O’Neil’s favourite joke is aired every time his kids say: “I’m hungry”. He replies: “Pleased to meet you, Hungry. I’m Dad.” My husband says this all the time to our kids and, like Dave, thinks it’s hilarious. Infuriating!
Mix FM Breakfast guru Mark Darin: “My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she said in her diary.” Or: “Last year, I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.”
Mayor Mark Jamieson: “What do you need to make humorous soup? Laughing stock.”
Studio Ten host Tristian McManus: “Did you hear about the blind skunk? It fell in love with a fart.” Or: “Where do pirates get their hooks? In secondhand stores.”
TV legend Mark Beretta: “Knock. Knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Awww, why are you crying?”
Funny fellow Dave Hughes: “I bought a bag of Snakes Alive, opened it up and they were dead. They should have put air holes in the bag as they could have grown up to be killer pythons.”
My Mix FM work buddy Todd Widdicombe: “A drunk lad wobbles into the front bar at his local and he’s got a giraffe with him. The two of them order a beer and the giraffe gets up to use the bathroom. He’s pretty turpy, too, and he stumbles and passes out near the pool table. The drunk lad necks his beer, gets up to leave and the barman says, “Hold up, Sunshine. You can’t leave that lyin’ there” – to which the drunk lad replies, “I think you’ll find that’s not a lion. That’s a giraffe.”
I will leave the final word to my husband, who has embarrassingly told countless friends and family his favourite dad’s joke: “What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.”
Thank goodness for our dads.