Did you see the news that some whackos are boiling their undies or knickers in hotel kettles? Yes.
It is part of a so-called genius ‘life hack’ of busy people who travel so much they do not have time to wash their undergarments in the washing machine, or apparently in the shower, or sink, like the rest of us normal people.
I am sorry I have ruined the sacred break of having a restorative cup of tea next time you are in a hotel.
I always wipe the mugs or glasses in hotel rooms, as I think about all the germs on them, but
I have never once thought, ‘Oh yeah, the kettle will be raging with well, someone’s junk funk’.
Oh gosh, it is too much even writing it. My husband said he does not understand the fuss as the undies are in boiling water, which would in theory sterilise everything.
This little cynical duck is not buying that theory. However the actual experts (sorry, babe) say it is incredibly irresponsible to boil up your Bonds in such a small container.
Can we also talk about ‘life hacks’ please? I know they are all the rage and everyone loves them. But I do not.
They just show me how inadequate my skill set is and how rubbish I am at doing the basics, like cooking and keeping my home clean.
You know, people never post life hacks for just bludging or for watching every season ever made of Game Of Thrones.
They are ridiculous suggestions for things such as better storage methods for your freshly grown and organic thyme.
They are a little bit passive aggressive and a way of bragging that the smarmy hacker has a better and more organised life than you.
But back to the gross undies washing story. The thing that shocks me even more about this kettle kerfuffle is the fact that it is even a common practice in the first place.
I worked many moons ago in a Canadian ski field hotel and people certainly got up to all sorts of behaviour behind closed doors.
Let’s just say CSI Crime Squad would have a field day with those torches that shine blue light onto otherwise invisible substances.
The bedspreads in hotel rooms freak me out a little, as I always think about what happens on them.
I have an aunt who is so terrified of germs she carries a handkerchief and uses it to open public toilet doors and seats.
We all have our little quirks when it comes to germs I suppose. I have had this crazy hotel fantasy for about seven years.
Are you ready to hear it? I leave my beautiful children and husband at home and I go to a hotel and get in my pyjamas and I binge eat chocolate and drink wine and sleep and watch hour upon hour of trash TV.
Oh. Keep speaking dirty to me, girlfriend!
My family think I am joking every time they ask what I would like for a present at birthday or Christmas time when I reply to go to a hotel room by myself to just sleep.
If it ever eventuates I will make sure I pack my own damn kettle.