Hi! My name is Sami, and I am not a camper. I have always felt a little ashamed of this. I love a hotel room. I love room service and fancy sheets. I love a resort pool. I even love just being home in my bedroom.
This admission makes me a little unAustralian, and I have hidden the knowledge that I am terrified of tents my entire life for fear of being labelled a snob or a wimp. Why do I dislike camping? Let me count the ways.
- You spend days packing everything, from plastic wine glasses to portable toilets.
- Dirt, grime, sweat and general ickiness (this includes wearing thongs while having a shower).
- Sleeping in a swag (feels like a coffin) or a tent means you spend the entire night listening to rustling sleeping bags and stressing if any wild animals will break into the tent and put you out of your misery.
- A cup of coffee is a cooking procedure not a pleasure.
- Packing up and then heading home to unpack all over again and wash off the mud and dust and sand off every single tiny item you packed.
I know everyone will say sleeping under the stars trumps all these small issues, but I am yet to be convinced, people!
I have just arrived home from the Dunga Derby – Rally for a Cause. We put together a bash car thanks to very generous local companies and dressed up as Batman and Batgirl. Off we went through remote routes around southeast Queensland. It raised half a million dollars for charity and the people who received the money are very well deserving.
The charity pays for things such as funerals for those who cannot afford it, a new kitchen for a family where the mum has been diagnosed with a brain cancer. It is powerful stuff. Great people. Great scenery. Great fun. Except for the camping.
It didn’t help that naughty Todd who I work with cable-tied shut my swag with me inside it, placed a fake snake everywhere I went to terrify me and poured ice-cold water over me when it was two degrees. I ended up getting a chopper home because I was a bit pathetic.
If I do Dunga Derby next year (they may not want this princess back) the deal will have to be motel rooms every night.