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Salad days are over


Salad days are over

As lettuce prices skyrocket, Sami Muirhead reckons if we don’t laugh we’ll cry, so she offers a few words to make you smile.

The so-called Devil’s lettuce (not kale, that is Satan’s salad) is now cheaper per gram than God’s lettuce. Okay, lettuce go to the big topic this week: the price of fruit and vegetables.

I feel so middle-aged with all of my friends and family focussing on the sky-high price of lettuce. Or lettuces? What is the plural of lettuce? Lettuce cups? Heads of lettuce? Lettuces? Let us all agree, it is easier to just say romaine.

So, over the past year overall food and beverage prices rose by 4.3 per cent, with beef and vegetables both up more than 12 per cent. Rising fuel, energy and fertiliser costs have all contributed to price increases around the world. On top of this we have supply chain disruptions and shortages thanks to China’s Covid lockdowns and Russian’s awful invasion of Ukraine. It could just be the tip of the iceberg lettuce with soaring costs.

One report was a shop charging $12 for a lettuce. Then KFC announced it was using a blend of cabbage and lettuce in its burgers. Crazy times when the Colonel has to bring cabbage into the burger fold.

Even the Queensland Police tweeted about lettuce prices, writing, “Police have commenced an investigation into the price of lettuce, just cos”. If we cannot laugh, we will cry so to stop the tears here are a few of the best lettuce jokes doing the rounds:

  1. What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
  2. There was a race between a lettuce, a faucet and ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
  3. What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? Iceberg.

So here is hoping the prices of the humble lettuce do not keep going up or the kids of today will never be able to afford their own home or their own Caesar salads. It will be a food based on folk lore of ye olden times. Hydroponic lettuce may just about be cheaper otherwise.


Sami Muirhead is a radio announcer, blogger and commentator. For more from Sami tune into Mix FM.

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