I cannot even begin to get my head around how fast our lives have changed courtesy of coronavirus, or as my young son calls it, The Corona. An open letter to The Corona from all Sunny Coasters would run along the lines of: Dear Mr Corona – Please leave now as we all hate you. Signed by everyone.
Phrases such as social distancing and self-isolation have jumped into our vocabulary faster than toilet paper is running out in the shops. Our loo paper situation is looking a little grim, but I live in hope some boss somewhere is making great decisions and has doubled down on delivering our dunny paper.
I thought we needed some light relief in this week’s column. What could possibly be funny about a global pandemic that has altered the very fabric of our existence and in one fell swoop has shut down most of the things we hold dear, from sports to movies to music to the very notion of human interaction? How could we make jokes in times like these?
That is exactly what Australians do, or else we would go crazy with worry. And do not even get me started on the anxious backflips in my stomach whenever someone mentions homeschooling to me. So, I have gathered what I believe to be the funniest of the memes doing the rounds.
Meme 1: All sporting events have been cancelled, however live boxing can still be seen at Coles, Woolies and Aldi.
Meme 2: I went to the toilet at a restaurant. I washed my hands, opened the door with my elbow, I raised the toilet seat with my foot, I turned on the faucet with a tissue and then opened the door to leave with my elbow and when I returned to my table, I realised I forgot to pull up my pants.
Meme 3: They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store to get supplies. They lied. Everyone else had pants on.
Meme 4: Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.
Meme 5: With supermarkets sold out of pasta, mince and canned tomatoes, it leads me to believe the only thing Australians can cook is spag bol!
Meme 6: The Australian chief medical officer encourages everyone to avoid all hugs, kisses and signs of affection. Married couples should just continue as usual.
Meme 7: Yeah, I still have not decided where to go for Easter. I am debating between the bedroom or the living room.
Meme 8: Apparently, this year is being written by Stephen King.
Meme 9: I need to know where Betty White is during all this. Is she safe? Does she have toilet paper?
And lastly: For the first time in history you can save the humanity by doing nothing and lying in front of the TV. Don’t stuff it up!