It must be wedding season as I have a couple to go to in the next few weeks – both looking like gala affairs and that always worries me.
Why? Just simply because weddings should be about the two getting married, not worrying about everybody else: who they should invite, who will be upset if they don’t get a start, and who should be the emcee and will it upset someone else who wanted to be. Of course, how much it all costs never ceases to amaze me, either.
Just on the emcee thing, I have done my share of weddings with a microphone in my hand and, unfortunately, I am rocks and diamonds: either really good or really bad and nothing in the middle.
I am famous in our house for a really bad one. It was a police mate of mine getting married and we rocked up to the church on the big day and, just before the service, the groom came over and asked me to emcee the reception. “Thanks for the notice,” I remarked. He just laughed and told me to loosen them up a bit as they were a bit of an uptight lot.
At that stage, there should have been alarm bells. But I’m not that bright and do love a challenge. As the reception got going, I opened up with a joke about playing golf, with the punchline being: “Screwing his heart out”. As I said it, I looked at the mother-in-law who was sitting beside the minister. If looks could kill, I would have been on my way to meet the devil. Read a room, Ashley, was a lesson I got from that.
Getting back to cost, when I got married to Old Mate back in the ’80s, we didn’t have much cash. But thanks to an innovative other half, we had a wonderful day at Kawana Surf Club – where she used to do catering from time to time. So imagine the wedding when the bride was the caterer, with help from a few of her workmates from Stewarts Hotel.
I can clearly remember her putting the desserts out in her wedding dress after everyone had hammered a spit roast she had organised. It was an awesome affair for not much money – out of necessity, as we didn’t have any.
In a couple of weeks, it will be our 39th anniversary and, despite what I sometimes write, it’s been great … as long as I do what I am told. Love you, Sheila.